Trashy Beach Locations Around the World

Can you taste the Salt Water Toffee!?..
If you have been to one, you have almost been to them all...
When you were 14, they were somehow a dream  of carelessness, indulgence and endless people watching and vice.. now a grim reality...you take the advice of a partially trusted local to check it out, then end up never quite completely trusting their taste again. these are the Coney Island's of the World, without the history, the lore, nor the quirky charm anymore, or perhaps never. Maybe I nostalgize Coney, but I think it was the first, when you could just take a subway there with 2 million other New Yorkers on a hot summer day before Air Conditioning was widely available... then charlatans moved in, gypsy delights of all sorts like freak shows, world's largest, carnival rides, spectacles like dump the chump and my personal favorite, the Nathans Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest to coincide with the Mermaid Parade every 4th of July..  and it hasn't necessarily gotten better..
Some of them offer fun, others faded decadence, some just focus on family diversion, a chance to revel in a sugar high and go between the beach and an under the boardwalk fling.. but when you get home you scratch your head at where it went, how you kind of never noticed the nature all around, how you got sucked into the refined sugar diversions like a week at a carnival, but somehow feel like you might have smiled enough for it to have been worth it..

What defines them seems to be a kind of desperate pandering.. give the people what they want! An experience of the lowest common denominator... cheap food, sun, plastic toys, and trashy shops and entertainments.. I ain't judging, places like this gave us Springsteen and Diving Horses, but it ain't the pristine horse rides of the Black Stallion!
 The places actually worth going to you haven't heard of unless you tried to find them...These are the Trashy Beach Locations of the World..

North America

Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York
Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Weirs Beach, New Hampshire  Sure it´s inland, but it qualifies!
Montauk, NY  Hamptons Schmamptons, it's trashy!
The Jersey Shore
Saside Heights, New Jersey
Asbury Park, New Jersey
Atlantic City, New Jersey
Ocean Beach, Maryland
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Tybee Island, Georgia (small, has some charm on the edges, but it's cultivating a trashy soul!)
Umm... all of Florida?
Daytona Beach, Florida
Cocoa Beach, Florida

South Miami Beach, Florida The King of what every beach tries to somehow become eventually when they get embarrassed by their trashiness, but sadly, it regressed to the norm, it's no longer the Salsa Party of the 50's replete with Latin Film Stars.. it's now an Israeli T Shirt money laundering operation, the class having moved to the corners.. Verdict: Slightly Trashy despite all pretension

Marathon, Florida

Key West, Florida   Not much beach, but all the trash you want despite the attempts of the Old Guard and some nice architecture.

Tampa Area, Florida  Like a whole Trashy Beach City!

Panama City, Florida

Gulf Shores, Alabama   Unapologetically the Red Neck Riviera.. points for honesty!

South Padre Island, Texas
Michigan City IN
Indiana Beach IN

Venice Beach, California   Sure it's Trashy, but it's sooo good at being trashy you'll actually love it!

Newport Beach, Oregon?
Depoe Bay Oregon

Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington   Seattle isn't comfortable with Trashy, so this place is awkwardly half trashy!

Waikiki Beach, Honalulu, Hawaii

Kona Beach, Hawaii, Hawaii

Hanalei, Kauai, Hawaii   Sorry Boomers, but Puff would have moved out a few years back! Still kind of nice I will admit!

Europe

Brighton (I actually love brighton, but it's got an amusement park on a pier so it belongs on this list!)
Blackpool
Hastings

Latin America

Copacabana Beach, Rio De Janero, Brazil   Brazilian Trashy is still somehow lovable.. and it's getting nicer!

Cancun, Mexico

Medano Beach, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico   From Billigans to Mango Deck,a discrete little chunk of trash!
Playas Del Rosarito, Baja California Frontera, Mexico   It´s TJ's beach.. what more do you need, and, I think it´s the home of the Origininal Senor Frongs... kind of the landmark institution of Mexican trashy beachness.

Alcapolco, Mexico

Atacama, Esmeraldas, Ecuador   Ecuadorians are still pleasant, even when they are trashy!

Boca Grande, Cartagena, Colombia   Stop trying to give me a massage with that Coco Grease, Puta!

Santa Marta, Colombia    Actually a bit more conservative than you might think, but not getting better!

Riohacha, Colombia    small, still a bit traditional, but it's gunna figure out trashy soon...

Puerto Plata, Domincan Republic

Asia

No one quite does trashy like Asia! No Judeo Christian restraint here! just good old fashioned Fun!

Pataya, Thailand

Phuket, Thailand

Kuta Beach, Bali, Indonesia
Siloso Beach, Singapore    Like Everything in Singapore. It looks nice, it's drug free, but trust me it's trashy!

Africa

Durban, South Africa

Australia

The Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

Where The Wild Things Are: The Remaining Truly Wild and Semi-Wild Places on Earth

Wild

definition for me:
Nature seems to overwhelm man, and Natural Selection seems to have the upper hand or a parity with the life extending attempts of civilization

Amazon
Antarctica
New Guinea
The Congo
Alaska
Siberia
The Sahara
Western Saudi Arabia
The Darien Gap
Greenland
The West Coast of Canada
The East Coast of Canada
Ninuvut

Semi Wild

Nature might not be completely in charge, but Civilization's life extending attempts seem to be balanced by a non governmental group of authorities, or a vacuum of authority that leads to a more independent although potentially more savage set of human behaviors.

Sierra Nevada Occidental, Mexico
Western Colombia
Parts of Western China
Somalia
Yemen
American Ghettos
Afghanistan
Parts of Pakistan
Ghettos around the World
Eastern Burma

The Famous Lawless Triangles Defined
The Word Triangle, like adding the word Gate to the name of a Political Scandal, implies a place of danger and sometimes even lawless violence or conflict.

Asia
Emerald Triangle     Burmese, Chinese Laotian Border  Smuggling and Opium
Golden Triangle      Burmese, Thai, and Laotian Border   Smuggling and Opium
Iron Triangle  Area of strong Vietcong resistance to US led war in Vietnam. It was in Bihn Duong PRovice about 25 miles north of the major city of Saigon, now Ho Chi Mihn City, up the Saigon River in what was then South Vietnam. Cu Chi is technically south of the Iron Triangle, but it's famous tunnels were concentrated within the triangle.
The Golden Crescent   A Swath through Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Iran   Smuggling and Opium, and Terrorism  As the Crescent Moon is a symbol in Muslim Countries, it was used to characterize a these areas of hilly to mountainous poppy growing areas around the Hindu Kush
Sunni Triangle    Area of Major Insurrection by Sunni Minority Loyal to Saddam Hussein after American Invasion and Occupation of Iraq in 2003   IT is loosely the environs of Baghdad North to Bayji including Tikrit, and West to Ramadi including Fallujia
Triangle of Death   Area of Major Insurrection by Sunni Minority Loyal To Saddam Hussein after American Invasion and Occupation of Iraq in 2003   Defined as an area South of Baghdad to al Hilah, and west to the Euphrates River

North America
Bermuda Triangle    Sensationalized area of potential paranormal activity to explain missing airplanes and ships over a long period of time. Cornered by Bermuda, Puerto Rico, and the South Florida Coast.
Golden Triangle of Mexico Durango, Sinaloa, and Chihuahua Border   Cocaine Smuggling, and Opium and Marijuana Growth
Emerald Triangle of US  Mendocino, Humboldt, and Trinity Counties on the North Coast of California. Place of Major Illicit Marijuana Growth, most of those involved in these activities are local residents of travelers from other US cities, but with recent activity by Mexican Cartels.
Poppy Pentagon   (Pentagano de Amapola) Opium Growing area that is most of the State of Guerrero Mexico. The corners are Alcapolco, Chilpanchingo, Iguala, Arcelo and Zehuantaneho.

The Cunard Single Habitation Fee: New Levels in Corporate Self-Entitlement

Riding the QM 2 is a pretty magnificent experience.. but if there is one thing I have noticed about upper class English companies, it's that they can have an absurd sense of entitlement which relies upon the uncomplaining nature of the English middle class, who are the people most likely to ride their boats, in a kind of thrill of a lifetime way.. they are all very pleasant enough, but they pay what they are told to pay.
I once tried to take the Cunard back to England, it's great.. you can go sit on the Queen Mary in Long Beach Harbor and go nowhere, or you can get on the Queen Mary 2, which really is a magnificent ship, and go someplace in a very exciting and relaxing manner, but something so took me by surprise that I canceled the trip, something so absurd that it makes me realize just how cowardly polite people can be.. I was going alone, and the Cunard Line, which is owned by Carnival Cruises (ah, if my friends could see me now!), decided, and this is how it was explained to me, that even though I was paying for my room, logically, the same that 2 people would pay, I was supposed to pay an extra supplement because there wasn't an extra person who might buy things on board... it was about 150$ usd. I was incensed and never showed.. of all the fees discussed in this link, this is perhaps the worst of them, the least justifiable:
http://www.cruisemates.com/articles/single/Single-Supp-072009.cfm#axzz2KvBN2PjN
To break it down, all right, I was paying for the space they had to haul from Brooklyn to Southampton, fair enough, no discount expected there. I didn't expect to pay less because I was alone, even though I was saving them about 250 pounds (weight, not money) in personnel and baggage to move around the ship and across the Atlantic.. the ship was likely too big to notice.. also it was a bit less food,but they load up on the food in the buffets anyhow, something tells me they have plenty left over at the end of the day and that one person doesn't figure in their calculations...but they wanted me to pay extra for the money they might have made had there been another person there, even though I don't gamble nor drink, and my one shipboard expense on my one cruise was to have a nice meal on the back of the boat, which likely cost 50 bucks. To Penalize on an expectation is just wrong, it's a very feminine form of business,it's a guarantee on consumption when they are supposed to be hosts in the traditional sense, responsive but not demanding of my actions once I pay for my room. For a corporation to instill a kind of corporate socialism seemed absurd to me.. the kind of thing they could spread across the 3000 people that do book each voyage instead of coming up with absurd notions like this that singles people out, which just make them seem not classy but arrogant, petty, and selfish, when they are attempting to portray themselves as the epitome of class.
I was actually coming from Indonesia to New York the first time I took the trip, via London, (it was months later that I attempted to return by the Queen Mary to England and demurred due to this), and I was so Jet Lagged that I would go to sleep at 8pm every night, wake up and play the drum kit at the back swimming pool at 4am (which no one seemed to mind), then watch the sun rise and ate the buffet at all the odd hours that my body craved.. I wasn't there to buy spa treatments or big meals, although I did buy one the last day when it was half price for kicks, since I was almost recovered, and I disciplined myself to not smoke a cigar in the cigar bar although it actually was quite pleasant, so I stayed well below the 150 not out of cheapness but just out of personal choice and circumstances, which in this case Cunard is disregarding. It was perhaps the best jet lag recovery I ever had, the cool air and the pretty nifty ship making it all the more pleasant, but somehow I can't get over this, the expected revenue being passed along.. since when did companies get a guarantee, and what does it say about what Cunard and Princess really think about people, their customers. Are we just prisoners to them in a floating shopping mall, a floating Singapore! The HMS Maidstone of Belfast Fame with industrial carpet and a dance show. What ever happened to risk and reward, exchange of good for fiat.. it's the same way Apple treats it's customers, and now Google is starting to clean their clock... Cunard, if you know what's good for you, you should drop this ridiculousness and place people before revenue just once. If you claim to represent class, the monarchy, and a British sense of fair play, what are you on about with this!?

When you can't drink the water...

There is something about places where you can't drink the water. They are like a hot girl with whom you think you might be able to trade affection for helping her straighten out her life, but you know that it will never quite work out. There is a dysfunction to places where the water isn't potable from the tap.. it's usually not just poverty. It's bad leadership, and often times corruption. Drinking water should be the first priority of any culture, and when I find myself drinking out of a plastic f-ing bottle, or worse, a plastic bag or one of those big blue bottles, I am struck by the idea that something is deeply wrong where I am, that greed prevails over logic, and that it's a lousy place to be in an emergency.
It doesn't take much for a hotel to filter it's water, but they don't make any money. If the bottled water guy is friends with the mayor, there likely is never water for a filtration plant this year. The other thing I hear a lot is that if the pipes are broken, sewage and tap water might mix underground, so you should drink bottled water. I don't think it's too difficult to test water, but you never hear of any data, just that you should buy bottled water for a buck a bottle "just in case". Pardon me for being suspicious, but all of this is dysfunction, honest or dishonest.
Somehow running water, clean water, is a metaphor for getting what you need. if you need to work or pay to get clean drinking water, this is a place where you can't truly meet any sophisticated expectations of life. the problem is that these kinds of challenges can be compelling, again, like the dysfunctional girlfriend.. perhaps all she needs is me.. a little European know how, a little American can do.
It does cost a lot to drill a well, thousands of dollars, but I find it funny when everyone has a sound system or a TV set, but they couldn't get it together to put 8,000 bucks together for someone to show up. It all gets into the peril of giving fish instead of teaching how to fish, the perils of aid dependency if you don't let a culture solve it{s own problems, and if you solve those problems, who are you doing it for, you or them. It's like having a teenage kid; you want them to stop being a punk because it's a hassle for you, or because you truly see something better for them? Would it be organic and natural, or forced?
Anyhow, just wanted to vent a little bit.  You see, I am sitting right now in a place where you can't drink the water, and I stared this post in another place a few weeks ago where you could. Both places have trucks and nicely dressed people and restaurants, but no one seems to care enough to take care of the common good here, despite a lot of talk about it. This is no charity case, it´s not hard to add a bit of chloride to the incoming pipe, it's indifference, cowardice, or fear... and seeing it that way helps me move on..

World Food Hall of Shame

Worst Street Food:
Nicaragua... they try, but it is the cheapest quality Meat I have ever tasted

Swiss food:
Swiss food is like the Swiss... always sharp but rarely delicious. The best places are where you find the French or Italian Influence. Like everything Swiss, precision of execution seems to take precedent over artistry... Fondue should be the bright spot, but alas, it's just cheese and beer..

Colombian Food:
Ho Humm... sure, a nice beef soup can hit the spot every once in a while, but on the whole, a kind of boring underperformance.. Arepas might be intersting for a week or so, but they are no greasy Taco... work on it Colombia.. your food is basic ingredients with Catsup on top.. i expected more from such a beautiful place!

Africa: Amazing fresh meat at times, but I sometimes feel like the flavor patterns for african food taste like.. well dirt.. some would describe it as earthy, and I do likes me some mealie meal with a bit of gravy at times, it´s basically grits, but the spices they use, maybe nutmeg and corriander, can make things taste a bit, well, yes, earthy...

Chinese: We can thank Chairman Mao for the rise of MSG.. he loved what they refer to as brown gravy... it tastes so much like a nice steak that when people were starving during the cultural revolution it gave them the impression they were eating something filling.. I won{t say it tastes bad, but my muscles tighten up like a scared hyena when I eat it.. it´s a massive substitue for actual flavoring.. the patatoe flour of the spice world, and as much as I will polish off a pile of doritos (yep, it{s in there) or suck down some artifical beef stock (made from cracked hydrocloric acid in case you were wondering) the stuff is baaaaddd, and no substitute for the 5000 years of cooking experience the chinese have, or at least had before the cultural revolution...

Brazil: for such a wonderful place, brazilian food can come up a bit short.. the street food always tastes fine enouygh, but the cuisine of the country is dominated by slave conventions and not the possibilities of the place.. we all love a churrascaria, but you guys can sure as heck do more.. although with all the fresh fruit falling off the trees, maybe it{s find and good to just be suplementing with a bit of meat off the sward...

Malyasian and Singaporian: I do like it, but what an odd amount of oil they use.. it's like they lather it first..